The problem with promoting only getting married once. 

How delightful it would be, if we could all fall in love just once. If noone experienced heart break, we could all meet ‘the one’ and get married, have 2.5 kids, grow old together and die together, holding hands in a nursing home. 

Unfortunately life doesn’t work like that. In the wise words of little mix (!) “You made my heart break and that made me who I am” heart break changes us, it teaches us. Being in different relationships help us to work out what we want, and don’t want in a partner. 

Life happens. Sometimes you give everything to a partner and it still doesn’t work out. That’s okay. You have not failed because a relationship between TWO people did not work out. ‘It takes two to tango’ and all that jazz. 

The real issue with posts like this is the stigma it inadvertently applies to people who do get divorced, who do get married more than once and who (heaven forbid!) do have children with more than one person. 

You don’t have to have a cereal box family. Families come in all shapes and sizes. Relationships come in all shapes and sizes. Children can thrive with one parent, two parents or even more.. there is no ‘normal’ family. (I think we can all vouch for that one!) 

What really concerns me is that many women* in abusive relationships will say that one of the reasons they did not, or do not want to leave is the fear of the stigma attached to being a single parent and also getting into another relationship. This is not helped by many perpetrators using this to their advantage and convincing their partner that no one will ever love them again because of this, everyone will look down on them and that the kids will not thrive in a single parent family. This reason alone should be enough to end the stigma of marrying more than once or having children with more than one person. 

So for all you people who only want to marry once, no divorces, no cheating. Make sure you want it for the right reasons (because the person you’re with is the right person for you.) and don’t worry too much if it doesn’t work out. Life happens. 

*I have lived experience with women from abusive relationships naming this as a reason for staying. I have no lived experience with men from abusive relationships saying the same thing, however I have no doubt this would also be a problem for them. 

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